Let Us Treat Our Friends As Friends

A man I know called on my cell phone. The usual pleasantries were exchanged: how’s the family? What’s the weather like where you are? And then, predictably (the conversation always seems to follow the same script with this guy), the man blurts out, "Can you believe that Muslim president we have? The guy isn’t even a U.S. citizen. The guy is a total cockroach – a socialist!"

Now, at this point, I sense that he knows my political leanings are different than his, but he continues as if he believes that he and I are in agreement. I’m not sure what his motivation would be other than to provoke an argument, or to subtly let me know how stupid I am. After his short tirade, I have one of two choices: defend my view of the president, or meekly avoid the subject as politely as possible and look for a change of subject.

What friend would provoke an argument with another friend? What relative would provoke an argument with another relative? The answer is: only a friend or relative that did not care about the relationship. In other words, not a friend at all. Because relatives should at least be friendly and civil to one another, a relative would be violating his responsibility as a relative.

Why do people assume that they can engage in this kind of behavior?

My objective here is not to defend president Obama. If I knew that someone thought the world of former president Bush, and I launched into a tirade about how Bush only cares about his oil rich friends and enriching multi-national defense contractors at the expense of American lives in Iraq, I might expect my friend to fire back at me, defending his point of view concerning president Bush. Thus, an argument would ensue, perhaps a really heated one. Or, he could meekly look for an exit to our conversation, and check his caller I.D. a little closer the next time I called.

What has happened to us? Where is our common sense? What has happened to friendships, relationships, our behavior towards our brothers and sisters? Were we not taught to avoid religion and politics amongst friends and relatives?

I have some suggestions. We should first consider toning down our political rhetoric. We should think before putting our mouth in gear. We should ask ourselves how important our relationships and friendships are. If a person does not value good relationships with his fellow human beings, perhaps that person should seek professional help. They might also ask themselves why it is that nobody ever calls them, and why nobody ever answers when they call.

As a society, we depend on civility for our cohesiveness and even our survival. We might also consider avoiding political subjects altogether if we are not able to control our tongues. Our relationships with other people are far more important than our political opinions. To be honest, most of us think we are smarter politically than most other people anyway. If a person disagrees with us, matters become even worse – our "friend" becomes stupid in our eyes if he disagrees with us. He is not as educated. In other words, he is ignorant and we let him know it. Now, telling a friend that he is a stupid illiterate ignorant liberal (or redneck) is no way to keep friends. Spice the conversation with a few choice swear words, and the situation becomes really volatile.

If a person feels like he has the right, or even the God given responsibility, to get in your face concerning your political views, then perhaps he is really telling you that he is not your friend. Why waste your time in angry conversations with people who are not your friends? That is where caller I.D. comes in handy.

As a side note, some people block their caller I.D. Whenever someone does this, I do not answer. Imagine staying in a strange hotel somewhere and you hear a knock at the door. You look through the peep hole only to find that the person outside has placed his thumb over the hole. Would you open the door? The reason why people block their numbers when they call you is that they are used to nobody answering. Maybe they should get the message.

So, maybe we can all turn the temperature down on the political stove a little. Some of us need to turn it down a lot. Some of us need to not cook at all. Maybe we can all become a little more considerate in the future, and gain more friends in the process. Let us remember that our own American Civil War began largely because we could not be civil with one another. In this extreme case, families were split apart. Friendships were destroyed. We need to learn from history?

And remember: do not block your caller I.D. If you are not a jerk, you won't need to.

John