The Mystery of Life

The mystery of life. Recently, I have either been privileged or cursed to be there when life leaves a body. My wife and I rescued a neighborhood scruff, a little kitty who had had his lower jaw torn off by dogs, a cat that was already crippled in its hind legs, and we named him Skittles. We had him for about a year, giving him the best veterinary care all the way. He had three major reconstructive surgeries on his jaw. The vet donated his time and skill. We paid for the materials.

But Skittles had feline leukemia too, and after a while his health turned very bad. My wife and I took him to the vet for the final time late last year, and I held him while he purred, his head in my left hand. As the injection was administered, the purring stopped and he relaxed into the palm of my hand. I felt life leave his body.

Where does it go? Where did it come from?

Recently, our dog Hurk, a wonderful border collie, needed our help too. We had taken him to U.C. Davis School of Veterinary Medicine. We took my female border collie there too. The diagnosis for her was better than expected. But Hurk wasn’t so lucky. His diagnosis was a death sentence: inoperable cancer near his heart.

Last month, we took Hurk to the vet for the last time. He could barely breath. To be honest, either could I. I had dreaded this moment for years. We had rescued him from a shelter thirteen years ago. When I found him on my living room floor in a state of extremis, I knew it was time to find some help for him. I held his chin as the veterinarian prepared an injection to go into his right hind leg. As she prepared to administer the injection, Hurk looked over his right shoulder at her and then back at me. It was so difficult for him to breath. Have you ever had a hard time catching your breath? I have asthma so I can really relate. Hurk’s chin was in my right hand, and then I felt his body go limp. I felt the life leave his body.

Where does it go? Where did it come from?

Yesterday, my wife and I witnessed a car coming the other direction. The car hit a Robin flying by. We stopped. The Robin was not dead, so we relocated him to a safe place, next to a tree. We were both late for a doctor’s appointment. On the way home, we checked on the Robin. Several Robins were circling overhead. There was a hawk in a tree nearby, and the Robins were dive-bombing the hawk to protect their little friend down below. We located the tree, and to our surprise the Robin was still alive, trying to live.

We brought the Robin home, put him in a safe place in one of our bathrooms and turned on a small electric heater. This morning, I was so surprised to find him alive. I called the Shasta County Wildlife Refuge. They care for injured wild animals. We have depended on them many times in the past when we have found a wounded animal. I left a message about the Robin.

The Robin was moving around outside his box on the bathroom floor when I walked in, a good sign I felt. I gave him some water. But, just a few moments later, I went in to check on him again. I could not resist picking him up and gently holding him in my hand. His breathing was so labored. It reminded me of something I had seen before. But he appeared fine in every other way. His wings and legs were not broken.

Then I noticed that familiar “thing.” I cannot describe it. I saw it in my dad’s eyes shortly before he died too. I have always been able to see “the death look.” It was there in the Robin’s eyes. The Robin slowly lowered his head and his feathers relaxed. Right there in my hand, I felt the life leave his body.

Where does it go? Where did it come from?

Life.

I won’t go into all of the other animals we’ve buried. They all had their lives. They all had their stories. Loving animals, loving life, is it a curse or a blessing? Is the transition from life to death really just the same thing as the transition from darkness to life – two sides of the same coin?

I couldn’t help but shed a tear for the little Robin. Life’s mysteries baffle me sometimes. A lot of the time, I try not to think about those mysteries.

Someday, all of us will have our turn. Maybe we will be surrounded by loved ones. Maybe we will be all alone on a deserted country road. All of us will get our turn. I can remember holding my father’s hand at the time of his death, when he took his last breath. Personally, I do not know if it was a blessing or a curse to be there when my father died. I do believe, however, that it was a blessing for my father.

Each day is precious. We never know when a loved one will leave us forever.

Recently, I have lost three good human friends too. Where did that life go? Where did it come from? We have God and we have faith to rely on. But, I truly wonder if any of us knows for sure about the mystery of life. If we did know, maybe we wouldn’t need God. We wouldn’t need faith. As for me, all I can do is pray and hope for the best.

John